i have never been good with politics or history or world affairs. this world is too big for me to comprehend. (it never sat in the palm of my hand.) i can barely get a handle on myself, my family and friends, much less tragedies such as this.

i keep thinking of the people who open up their wallets and mouths, coughing up donations and accusations. i wonder what is in their heart, and i wonder where it was monday, or last week, or last year. yes, those two buildings were beautiful -- anyone who knows me knows that new york has been to me a magical place since i was a young girl -- but so many monuments were before they, too, were destroyed. yes, thousands of people have died, but thousands of people die everyday.

please don't mistake this for lack of compassion. i am just so sad and frustrated and scared. they say that america is finally waking up, but i wish it didn't have to come to this. what were we doing before today?

i look at the red, white & blue flag, and i feel like it doesn't belong to me, but then i remember that i pledged allegiance to it. that i stood up tall with my hand on my heart and said i would fight for this country. many of you were born into this, but i chose it. my parents chose it, because martial law had been declared and there would have been no hope had we stayed.

america was hope, and look at it now.