the first thing i noticed when i walked inside is that the floor was clean -- and wet. as if somebody had just mopped and forgotten the yellow slippery when wet sign. as i walked out of the stall, in walked a tall woman with a silvery white bob. she was wearing a beige suit and black shoulder bag.

"this floor is wet!" she exclaimed, shaking her head in disapproval. "they should really do something about this floor."

"i know," i said, lathering my hands with soap. "it's horrible."

"i'm going to complain," she said, in her grandmotherly tone. "you know, somebody could trip. you could have tripped. and then you could have sued."

i smiled.

"how could they let this happen?"

i answered with my question mark face.

"must be a man in charge. women are too smart to do such a stupid thing."
--women's restroom, house of pies

Service with a smile 31 October 2001

sandy* from hong kong served us with a smile. a big smile. a million dollar crest with tartar smile.

*name has been changed to protect the innocent.

--california pizza kitchen, pasadena

Drama geek 17 October 2001

he was wearing an old radiohead t-shirt, pants slightly too short and a crazy black derby. his voice boomed throughout the restaurant and his arms waved wildly about. his face said "all the world's a stage" and that's when eric & i figured it out: he was a drama geek.

--the back area of the house of pies

Boxing thin air 15 October 2001

little latino boy scurrying up the street with fists punching through his gray t-shirt, like a nervous habit in the making.

--my street by the green awning

It's all my fault 03 October 2001

a woman in her mid- to late 40s nearly ran me over when i was crossing the street (my light was green, she was making a right at red) and then honked because i was in her way.

--corner across the street from my office

Waiting 27 September 2001

i barely saw his eyes over the lamp. he was slumped in the red velvet chair against the orange-sponged walls. he had dark eyes and thick hair that went to his shoulders. he had a beard that went just as long. even his eyebrows were full. parked beside him was a black suitcase on wheels. he looked like he was waiting for something, for someone, but no one ever came.

--over coffee at ani's, santa monica

Bedhead 24 September 2001

she had stringy blonde hair and pale, yellowing skin. she was scowling, and it seemed she should never have gotten out of bed that morning.

--somewhere between LA and OC

Understatement of the year 23 September 2001

to say that he was top heavy is a gross understatement. he was built like an upside-down pear, nay, a 40 watt lightbulb.

--sea-tac airport

Welcoming committee

a boy in a white t-shirt with blue trim, baggy jeans and black flip-flops called his mom on his cellphone. he was drinking aquafina. when the flight arrived, he held up a corrugated cardboard sign that read, in black ballpoint ink, "welcome home, SHNOK-EN."

--LAX, terminal 3, gate 32

Sand dunes 03 September 2001

"what is she wearing?"

"i don't know."

something inbetween pasties and a bikini top, i thought.

she had strange breasts, too. like two low sand dunes fairly far apart from one another.

--the red lion inn

Yee-haw 01 September 2001

a mexican cowboy in a mud brown suit walking--no, sauntering--down the street.

--little ethiopia, fairfax blvd.

The lady in red plaid 28 August 2001

similar to the lady in zebra stripes, we have the lady in red plaid. a dress neck to toe draping her, like christmas table cloth, and a satchel to match. she also had crazy shoes that were about four inches tall.

--some street in seattle, wa.

Automatic windows 19 August 2001

at the stoplight, the man beside us was driving a huge white ford pick-up circa sometime before the 70s, i think. i didn't see his face, just his hand reaching toward the car window and pushing the glass panel down himself. he needed fresh air.

--the part of the street when rowena becomes glendale

Real-life Kimberly Doll

walking out of the bar l. spotted heather graham, and she looks as much like my kimberly doll as i expected she would. i didn't see what she was wearing.

--bigfoot lodge, los feliz

The girl in zebra print 16 August 2001

a girl with a ski slope nose and straight blonde hair was all zebra print: her skirt, her purse and a pillow that sat on her lap. she was on a cellphone, chatting in an east coast accent, making tiny bubbles with lime green gum.

--LAX, terminal T2, gate 37a

Chester

"ten percent of child molesters look like you, not me," said the 6-foot-tall man with blond and pink hair, big white fly glasses, a white tuxedo jacket and white patent leather thigh high boots, to his short, round friend.

--panda express, marina del rey

Time flies 08 August 2001

i first heard her tiny voice, then turned to see who was speaking. a little girl and her mom, looking at pochako pencils & erasers. "i used to have one of those," said the girl, who wasn't more than 5.

"when?" asked her mom.

"a long time ago," she replied, "when i was 3."

--sanrio store

Curious & content 05 August 2001

a little boy standing on the edge of a brick wall in his front yard. he knelt down to look at something -- bugs, perhaps? black hair & slanted eyes & fair skin. he was wearing a white t-shirt and baggy denim shorts. he couldn't have been more than 7. i imagined myself as a little girl so curious & content to just stand in my front yard and take in my surroundings.

--a neighborhood, somewhere between pasadena and home

Pick-up lines 03 August 2001

when seth & stella were up front at the show and e. was out smoking, a filipino boy approached me. he had moppy hair and a mole above his lip. "you look like you could use some 'filipino company.'" i didn't offer him a seat. he went on to say that he overheard my conversation with s. & s. and that filipinos need to stick together and that he liked the band a lot, did i? no, i said. what's your name? he asked. i told him and asked his. some-name-with-an-L-R-I-N in it. it was very filipino, but i don't remember it. i turned away and said nothing. and then he wished me well and left me in peace.

--tristeza, silver lake lounge

He blinded me with Nikes

no specifics, but that guy who has the job at the end of the windy line to tell you when it's your turn to go next, he was wearing glaringly white nikes. my eyes hurt.

--fry's electronics

Late night 31 July 2001

this man, he was wearing something on his head, like a scarf or bandanna maybe. and braids. he had a few strands of dirty hair wrapped in fabric. a white t-shirt & overalls. and a big dangling earring, much like my favorite pair in the '80s. it sort of resembled silver chimes hanging from his left ear. he was working on something, a maroon leather briefcase-type thing beside him, drinking water with lemon. it was 1am.

--rock 'n' roll monday, dennys diner, atwater

Car wash 29 July 2001

he was wearing a ratty white t-shirt and khaki shorts. i didn't much notice his face, just his voice. "car wash, miss?" he asked. "maybe on my way back," i said. "how about a donation? our friend just died." the sign he was carrying resembled the spray paint on the walls in town. the other night there were helicopters overhead and gunshots in the distance. i dug through my wallet and handed him a $5.

--stoplight at sunset & fountain

Is she?

I first noticed her brown wiry curls and leathery skin. She'd clearly been in the sun too long. her belt buckle was the size of a credit card. Her jeans looked like they'd walked out of the 80s. She was wearing a fuzzy black tanktop and no bra.

"Is she a hooker?" Lisaann asked.

--Dresden Room, Los Feliz

Live via cellphone 26 July 2001

i noticed this girl pointing our direction. i looked to see what it was she was pointing at and saw a boy -- tall, skinny, blond (he looked a lot like gap stockboy matt) -- holding up his cellphone so that whoever was on the line, a girl presumably, could hear the song. it was "your love is the place i come from."

--teenage fanclub show, troubadour